Tag Archives: dating

Is Chivalry Dead?

24 May

                        Is a little bit of chivalry too much to ask for these days?

 

      With all the new technology and with sex constantly on the tv, the radio, and advirtisements, chivalry has almost completely gone out the window.  People do not have to even talk face to face now.  They can just send a text, or an email, or a facebook message.  It’s all so instant.  Whatever happened to handwritten letters, phone calls, having an intimate conversation face to face? 

 

     These days, boys growing up have role models such as Tucker Max, or The Situation from Jersey Shore.  It’s all about getting laid, finding the chick who is DTF and please don’t let her be a grenade. 

 

       I think Emma Stone says it best when she plays character Olive Penderghast in the movie Easy A when she says,

 

“Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80s movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80’s movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.”

 

      Can anyone else relate to Olive here?  I don’t know about you, but a guy gets major brownie points from me if he opens the car door for me, comes up to my door to pick me up for a date, delivers me back to my door at the end of the date, picks up the phone and asks me out on the date, maybe brings a flower along for me when he picks me up.  Small, but simple things.  Not hard to do gentlemen.  Not hard at all.  Am I seriously asking for too much here? I don’t think so. 

 

  Instead I get ridiculous texts from guys such as this…

 

  “fb just does not do ur sexy ass ne justice we def need to hangout this wknd if ur gonne b here, im sure we could find somethin fun to get into saturday if ur down, itd b worth ur time though im kinda of a great guy to no ;)” 

 

I get that it’s texting… but please…. take the time to type out your words.  And sexy ass? Gosh, I just melted with that line.

 

“Have u seen the movie I hope they serve beer in hell?  This shits hilarious, homeboy just made a toast & said ‘theres beer n my glass & vodka n my cup & hers to fuckin her n the ass so she wont get knocked up’ lmfao i gotta use that sometime haha”

 

See what I mean by Tucker Max being a role model…

 

And people wonder why I am single these days.  Sorry, I’m not sorry that I am not willing to lower my standards just so I can have a boyfriend.   I would rather be single than put up with some lame excuse of a man.

 

Ok, I’m done venting.  Some day, my chivalry prince will come, but until then enjoy this picture of John Cusack from Say Anything.  I really do wish we were all still living in the 80s 🙂

 

Every Woman Should Read This

4 Apr
 I found this on a friends myspace blog years ago.. I don’t know if she wrote it, or if she just found it somewhere, but I love this…

These words are amazing. I live by these. Every woman should, don’t waste your time, don’t feel heartache for a man whose not going to show you he loves you. He may say he does, but if he’s not going to show you, his words mean nothing.

I know I’m never going to waste my time on a man who doesn’t show me he loves me.

 

He can have an amazing personality. You can watch him across a room and laugh at everything he says. He can charm a stone.  He can charm you.  He can make you feel like he is the only person alive who understands you at that moment. He can fill the air with wit and with charisma and with enthusiasm.      But if he fills you with nothing, he ain’t worth it.  It doesn’t matter how hilarious he is. How smart he is, how creative he is, how dynamic, how thrilling, how sweet, how original.  It matters how he treats you.  And there it is.      The difficult part of finding someone you want to be with isn’t finding someone whose personality entertains you. It isn’t that he can crack you up or turn you on. Of course, it is those things, but it’s so much more.  If he’s interested in you some of the time but not all of the time he’s not the one.  If he makes you giggle but makes you cry he’s not the one.  If he makes you think but makes you think ill of yourself he’s not the one.  He’s got to want you as much as you want him. You can’t just convince yourself that deep down he does just because you want him to want you as much as you want him.  It doesn’t matter what he feels deep down if he doesn’t show it.      This isn’t a movie. This is real life.  Movies have brainwashed you. Sure they have. Pure and simple. In every tale of the beast who is tamed by the beauty. Whether the beast in him be insecurity or alcohol or drugs or other women. Or heartlessness or brainlessness or cowardice.  Listen up. You’re not his Beauty, you’re not his Dorothy, you’re not his therapist, and you’re most assuredly not his wizard.  He is who he is. And because you are who you are give up. It doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t mean you weren’t good enough. It means you have a lick of sense about you. There will be no “Happily Ever After” at the end of your dysfunctional version of the yellow brick road.      You love tales in which the beast changes for the love of the woman because it makes you feel like you hold some kind of magical power over him. To transform him into who he really wants to be. To reveal the prince within the monster.  But guess what? You don’t hold that power. Newsflash:  No one does. He is the only one who holds the power to change himself. And if he hasn’t changed for himself, he sure as hell isn’t going to do it for you.  This isn’t Beauty and the Beast. It isn’t any version of the story of the asshole who turns his life around because some dame sees the good in him.      The truest stories are those of the man who does change for a little while, or at least seems to, but goes back to his old ways and leaves the hopeful woman disappointed. This doesn’t make him evil. It makes him human. The human who isn’t right for you.  It’s not your fault. It doesn’t mean you weren’t intelligent enough, or funny enough, or beautiful enough, or unique enough, or understanding enough, or patient enough. You weren’t the muse to inspire him, because that muse does not exist. It doesn’t mean that you can’t still be his friend.      Chances are that eventually he will meet someone and settle down and seem to become all of the things that you hoped he could be for you.   But don’t let this hurt you. Don’t be fooled. You were good enough for him. He just wasn’t good enough for you.      If you continue hoping that sooner or later he will come around, realize how wonderful you are, and how you deserve better and that he’s not living up to his full potential as a person, you are breaking your own heart. He isn’t. You are. You know deep down who he is. YOU KNOW. Beneath the goodness hiding beneath his fear is an even deeper fear that will prevent him from ever in one million years being what you think he can be. You know it. Stop bullshitting yourself. No amount of either bullying or coddling from you is going to bring him around. You know this deep down, oh yes you do but you stay.  Because keeping yourself tied to a man who will never change keeps you from getting involved with a man who might change you.      Admitting that stops making it about his fear, though, and makes it about yours.  Listen to me. Somewhere out there waits a man who will be strong enough for your strength. Wise enough for your wisdom.  A wise woman waits for that man. She doesn’t waste herself on a madman because she will feel like more of a woman if she is the one who can finally cure him of his demons.  Being a woman is knowing you haven’t sold yourself short. That you haven’t allowed his failures to become your own.  Being a woman is being brave.  Not brave enough to stay and try to change him.      Brave enough to walk away!!!

 

 

Jealousy?

30 Mar

I’m scrolling through my facebook newsfeed, this morning, on my iPhone, and I come across this post…

“A jealous girlfriend is a faithful girlfriend.  If she doesnt get jealous when someone has ur attention, its bcuz someone has hers.” 

WHAT!? Umm… I disagree!  And if I were a guy, I sure wouldn’t want a jealous girlfriend.  That would get annoying real fast.  This quote is basically saying that because I’m a mature, confident woman, who doesn’t get jealous easily, means that I’m an unfaithful girlfriend???? What a load of crap!  I’m confident enough to know that when I see my man checking out some cute girl across the room, it’s okay, because he’s coming home with me, and hey, I still look too!  Of course, my man makes me feel confident and secure, but I’m also just not an insecure person. Plus, if my man is going to be so distracted by another woman, it doesn’t really sound like he’s that into me, so maybe I should be looking for a new man. 

Silly jealously only leads to petty fights.  Silly jealousy isn’t healthy. 

Another thought is… what if the “girlfriend” is having another thing on the side … maybe that’s why she’s so quick to assume that just because a girl has her man’s attention that something is going on that she should be jealous of, because she’s got other things going on. 

I just see it this way, a boy makes a girl jealous, a man makes every other girl/woman in the room jealous of his woman. 

Women, if you are putting up with a man who makes you feel jealous .. maybe it’s time you move on and find someone who doesn’t.  Also, you need to be able to love yourself and be confident with yourself before you can ever have anything worth sharing to another person.

Online dating

29 Mar

Okay, so honestly, I think dating sucks.  It’s awkward.  I mean, you meet someone, they ask you on a date.. you get nervous, don’t know what to wear, don’t know what to talk about, want to be cool as a cucumber and seem mysterious… then the actual date comes… and oh boy.. it’s the biggest awkward turtle ever.  At least , that’s how I am.  I would rather skip all of that awkward first date junk and already “know” each other and be comfortable with each other.  It’s a lot like how Vince Vaughn describes dating on the movie “The Wedding Crashers” …

So online dating.. is even worse.  You meet this person online, their profile makes them seem like the perfect person.  You start emailing them on there.  They seem great.  You start to fantasize about your first date with this guy.  You have all these crazy ideas of what his mannerisms will be like, and how he will treat you, and what you two will talk about, etc.  Then you start talking to the guy on the phone.  Great phone conversations that last for hours.  You two even start acting silly on the phone together and find some many common interests.  Once it’s time for the first date, you’ve got this whole wild idea of what he’s going to be like and you have all these high expectations.  Then the date is a total flop and you’re left feeling pretty crummy and lonely and begging God to please send someone decent your way. 

Dating is already hard enough, without making it even more difficult with online dating. I do know some people who online dating has worked out really well for.  But as for me, it’s just not my cup of tea. 

I did try it once though…. I was going through a dry spell and my friend kept jokingly saying I should join eharmony. I finally decided, what the heck, I’ll give it a try… why not!?  If anything, at least it will be something to write about.

So, I found someone on there… and everything that I mentioned above happened.  We had wonderful phone conversations.  I thought I had found the “one”.  We finally decide to meet in person.  I have all of these anticipations and expectations and him just being perfectly perfect and sweeping me off my feet.  Well, let me tell you… he wasn’t as attractive in person as his pictures lead on.  And he was SUPER ANNOYING… he talked A LOT and his voice was even annoying… and whenever I would say something sarcastic or jokingly.. he would take it seriously?!  Then he was also trying to be really touchy feely and affectionate, like this wasn’t the first time we had met in person… I couldn’t take it… and then of course.. he was all “in love” with me.  It took a while to get rid of that one… What a mess. 

Anyone have any horror stories from online dating??? Anyone have any good stories ???