Tag Archives: waste of time

Every Woman Should Read This

4 Apr
 I found this on a friends myspace blog years ago.. I don’t know if she wrote it, or if she just found it somewhere, but I love this…

These words are amazing. I live by these. Every woman should, don’t waste your time, don’t feel heartache for a man whose not going to show you he loves you. He may say he does, but if he’s not going to show you, his words mean nothing.

I know I’m never going to waste my time on a man who doesn’t show me he loves me.

 

He can have an amazing personality. You can watch him across a room and laugh at everything he says. He can charm a stone.  He can charm you.  He can make you feel like he is the only person alive who understands you at that moment. He can fill the air with wit and with charisma and with enthusiasm.      But if he fills you with nothing, he ain’t worth it.  It doesn’t matter how hilarious he is. How smart he is, how creative he is, how dynamic, how thrilling, how sweet, how original.  It matters how he treats you.  And there it is.      The difficult part of finding someone you want to be with isn’t finding someone whose personality entertains you. It isn’t that he can crack you up or turn you on. Of course, it is those things, but it’s so much more.  If he’s interested in you some of the time but not all of the time he’s not the one.  If he makes you giggle but makes you cry he’s not the one.  If he makes you think but makes you think ill of yourself he’s not the one.  He’s got to want you as much as you want him. You can’t just convince yourself that deep down he does just because you want him to want you as much as you want him.  It doesn’t matter what he feels deep down if he doesn’t show it.      This isn’t a movie. This is real life.  Movies have brainwashed you. Sure they have. Pure and simple. In every tale of the beast who is tamed by the beauty. Whether the beast in him be insecurity or alcohol or drugs or other women. Or heartlessness or brainlessness or cowardice.  Listen up. You’re not his Beauty, you’re not his Dorothy, you’re not his therapist, and you’re most assuredly not his wizard.  He is who he is. And because you are who you are give up. It doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t mean you weren’t good enough. It means you have a lick of sense about you. There will be no “Happily Ever After” at the end of your dysfunctional version of the yellow brick road.      You love tales in which the beast changes for the love of the woman because it makes you feel like you hold some kind of magical power over him. To transform him into who he really wants to be. To reveal the prince within the monster.  But guess what? You don’t hold that power. Newsflash:  No one does. He is the only one who holds the power to change himself. And if he hasn’t changed for himself, he sure as hell isn’t going to do it for you.  This isn’t Beauty and the Beast. It isn’t any version of the story of the asshole who turns his life around because some dame sees the good in him.      The truest stories are those of the man who does change for a little while, or at least seems to, but goes back to his old ways and leaves the hopeful woman disappointed. This doesn’t make him evil. It makes him human. The human who isn’t right for you.  It’s not your fault. It doesn’t mean you weren’t intelligent enough, or funny enough, or beautiful enough, or unique enough, or understanding enough, or patient enough. You weren’t the muse to inspire him, because that muse does not exist. It doesn’t mean that you can’t still be his friend.      Chances are that eventually he will meet someone and settle down and seem to become all of the things that you hoped he could be for you.   But don’t let this hurt you. Don’t be fooled. You were good enough for him. He just wasn’t good enough for you.      If you continue hoping that sooner or later he will come around, realize how wonderful you are, and how you deserve better and that he’s not living up to his full potential as a person, you are breaking your own heart. He isn’t. You are. You know deep down who he is. YOU KNOW. Beneath the goodness hiding beneath his fear is an even deeper fear that will prevent him from ever in one million years being what you think he can be. You know it. Stop bullshitting yourself. No amount of either bullying or coddling from you is going to bring him around. You know this deep down, oh yes you do but you stay.  Because keeping yourself tied to a man who will never change keeps you from getting involved with a man who might change you.      Admitting that stops making it about his fear, though, and makes it about yours.  Listen to me. Somewhere out there waits a man who will be strong enough for your strength. Wise enough for your wisdom.  A wise woman waits for that man. She doesn’t waste herself on a madman because she will feel like more of a woman if she is the one who can finally cure him of his demons.  Being a woman is knowing you haven’t sold yourself short. That you haven’t allowed his failures to become your own.  Being a woman is being brave.  Not brave enough to stay and try to change him.      Brave enough to walk away!!!